Last month on Sat., Sept. 28, we came together in community for our first Moms & Kids Like Us Meet Up 🛝 , and it was amazing! ❤️The beauty of creating this space where neurodiversity is affirmed and celebrated… a space where we can say to another Mom, I see you, and know she understands! I am deeply grateful to ALL the lovely parents & kids who came into the space. I prayed that we would all have a wonderful time & God made it so! Creating our own safe spaces where we can connect in community matters.

We’re all living with challenges - how we deal, day to day, makes a difference. Even a few moments of mindfulness can make a difference in how you respond to a meltdown, anxiety, or the latest hospital visit. When we become more aware, as Mamas, of our triggers, it can help us support our kids through their own day-to-day challenges. It’s why I lean into mindful mothering / parenting - it brings awareness, attention, and curiosity to how I interact with our daughter Nai.

We do not believe in “other people’s children,” we see all children as our children - community, love, empathy and inclusion matter, not the individualism that is upheld in much of Western culture. We belong to each other. For months now, children in Palestine along with those in Congo, Sudan and Tigray have lived with unimaginable violence. Even in the midst of this heartbreak, we can help where we are. I caught up with Lourdes (@pajarito_reyna), a fellow Mama and volunteer who amplifies the stories of families raising funds to evacuate Gaza and get out to safety.

Having a disabled kid doesn’t mean you failed as a parent. Sounds obvious enough, right? But there are so many of us who drape unspoken shame around spirits. We learn anything “wrong” needs “fixing” - and that includes human beings. I know.  We’re all surrounded by the same abelist logic. The neurodiversity movement is helping  many of us (especially parents) shift into seeing differences as strengths. Disability Pride Month gives us another pathway to unlearm abelism. I am sharing three ways to celebrate that involve learning, community and deep, mindful listening.

Supporting our kids requires a lot of us (and we would do it over and over, because we love them so deeply), but let’s be real, Mamas, we also need time to nurture ourselves. If you’ve followed When Motherhood Looks Different for a while you know one of our core mantras is “caregivers need care, too.” It’s what led me to create this free tool you can download which offers three practices you can lean into for soothing and grounding when your kid is having a challenging day.

Mamas like us are always wading through anxiety around constant changes either with our kid’s health or our own. This may show up physically as tightness or uneasiness in our stomach (or gut area), or emotionally as worry about  We can use TSD techniques to understand what triggers our guts - the emotions we feel, thoughts and physical sensations. We can then identify ways to soothe ourselves such as affirmations or validating statements that acknowledge our experiences instead of denying them.  Ultimately helping us, step by step, lean into comfort with changes in our lives, validate our survival instincts, and soothe our guts when triggered.

When I first came across TSD mindfulness (founded by Sarah Vallely) I wondered if it could REALLY help someone like me - raising our neurodivergent daughter Nai (who has underlying health issues), while juggling marriage, and coming alongside my family in supporting Dad through late stage Parkinson’s disease. I didn’t (and still don’t) have an hour to meditate daily. It’s a miracle if I get 15 min. most days! I needed a well-being practice to support me in an accessible way.  TSD mindfulness is the awareness of sounds, physical sensations, sights, thoughts, emotions, energetic sensations, and the quality of your attention. It is a practice which encourages us to understand the mind body connection, and how this connects to the ways we experience stress. These are broken down into three fields: mental, heart and gut which make up the temperamental body, a TSD mindfulness term illustrating our psychological and energetic system.

Over a year ago now, when searching for an at-home speech therapist for Nai, I came across Megan’s name in an online Facebook for parents of neurodivergent kids; everyone raved about her heartfelt approach (through Growing Together Speech Therapy) with kids. From the moment we met, she put Nai, Kes and I at ease; she is kind, caring, compassionate, empathetic, and has a great sense of humor. Megan is an AMAZING Mama of two, and fierce advocate for her son Henry who has cystic fibrosis and is on the autism spectrum. I could not think of a better Mama to uplift for our first Mama Warrior Spotlight on the blog! I know her words and heart will touch you deeply. We see you showing up, Megan, through the challenges and joys. And we celebrate YOU and your beautiful family!

“There are so many deficits here.”

This sentence is etched into my memory. They were said by an “educational professional” at one of Nai’s early IEP meetings as she was entering school. It was a few years before we were able to obtain placement at her current fabulous school (which we thank God for daily!).

He spoke as if he were discussing an inanimate object, not a child. At that moment, I wanted to instantly cue up a video, and demand he open his eyes to all the ways Nai’s voice, talents and presence defied anything you could easily quantify on a page.

Why couldn’t he see her as a child?

Dedicated to my Mom, Trudy and in loving memory of my Dad, Rudy, who showed me that the root of all amazing parenting is unconditional LOVE! “Don’t claim it.”

“Don’t let them label her with anything!”

Almost everyone we knew said this to us in one way or another when Nai didn’t speak as much as other kids.

“She’ll talk more. Don’t y’all worry,” they reassured Kes and I between head nods and low hums. Those words held us, fed us, became our fortress, shielding us from doctors eager to label her. “We’re going to get another opinion,” we would tell them as the visits ended.

Until 3 words began tearing at the foundation of our fortress.

Global Developmental Delay

Not enough parenting communities reflect the lived experiences of Moms like us - raising neurodivergent kids, or navigating our own chronic health issues. But our stories matter, too! And here at When Motherhood Looks Different we are creating space on the blog to uplift them.